Waiting for a missionary

A few random thoughts:

• For me, the first year was very easy. Eric was my best friend, I remembered our relationship really well, I got letters sort of regularly--like the first couple of days were rough, but then it wasn't so bad, I got used to it, and thought things would pretty much feel the same the rest of the time. I really enjoyed making friends, and sort of found that that helped distract me a little. 
• Around the one-year mark, like two months before, time seemed to go slowly. Pretty much that point until like the 3/4ths mark was rough. I was sort of depressed, and there was some other stuff going on as well... school was VERY busy, I felt lonely, and was not feeling close to Eric at all, like in some ways he was a stranger. I'm not happy to say that, but it's true... 
• Six-months-to-go-mark: Felt great, came surprisingly fast, and I knew at that point that time would be going VERY quickly from that point on. I woke up happy for a couple of days, just because I knew I was going to be seeing Eric soon. Now it's sort of worn off-- 20 weeks to go! I know I'm going to be very busy with preparations, but surprisingly and sadly I'm not very motivated.

And this is not a good sign... I don't want to change the relationship status on Facebook to "engaged". I don't even know why! Eric told me to change it two weeks ago, and I keep putting it off. I should just do it, but I'm worried about regretting it, stupid as that is...  I'm not looking forward to the reaction, I wish we would have just changed it before he left, but he was concerned that it would frowned upon, a guy getting engaged right before his mission. But most of my close friends know about it, so they'll just be like "About time!" and stuff. Whatever, I guess who cares what people think, I'll go ahead and change it I guess. I guess part of the reason I don't like it is I'll feel extra alone in a way, like I am the one who handles and responds to everyone's reactions, just me... and planning a wedding by myself... I wonder if getting married in November is the right thing, I almost feel like I'm getting cold feet. I just wish things didn't have to be so rushed, I wish it weren't so convenient to just get married in November, and then move to Utah... I would have enjoyed planning everything together, I think. Maybe I should tell him I'm sort of having doubts :( Plus it's like, he brings up things that he wants for the reception and stuff, and I appreciate that he's trying to be helpful, but it's like it creates more questions...

A few minutes later:

Ok, well I aired some of my complaints and concerns with my awesome friend Jenni, and she had some excellent suggestions and gave me some reassurance... I feel much better now. I'm very lucky to have a support system, even while Eric's gone. I guess I'll change that status now!

Best,

Sannah

Ridiculous Conversations Like This Don't Happen in Letters

I miss spontaneous stupidity, letters are usually a bit more serious (and not really all that spontaneous, compared to a real-time conversation). Part of a chat between Eric and I from June 11th, 2010:

12:20amMe
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1285579/Eggs-straordinary-Harriet-hen-crack-record.html

12:26amEric
 I wonder what your mom would say if her chicken did that

12:26amMe
lol
would you feel safe eating that egg?

12:27amEric
no sir

12:27amMe
lol!
could have a sea monster inside!
or a baby giraffe!

12:27amEric
yeah, a gargantuan mutant chicken with laser beams comin' outta his eyes

12:28amMe
yeah, and tanks for legs!

12:28amEric
yeah, and machetes for arms!

12:28amMe
yeah, and aerosol spray and a match for flamin hair!

12:29amEric
yeah, and feathers made out of diamond!

12:29amMe
yeah, and six electric guitar strings for a tongue!

12:30amEric
yeah, and a cannon ball for a stomach!

12:30amMe
yeah, and an earring made of gold!

12:31amEric
yeah, only one earring, in his left earring. And a heart that pumps pure baby tears!
oops, his left ear
I'm tired

12:32amMe
and his screech that sounds like a car crash!
me too
two others just started talkin to me and I want OFF!

12:33amEric
oh no
tell 'em to am-scray

12:33amMe
I will, I'll say I'm just getting off

12:33amEric
tell 'em you left your tuba in the oven

12:34amMe
Oh no! I did that FOR REAL! I was wonderin what that fat smell was

12:34amEric
oooohhhh BOY! Cheeeeeeesey

12:34amMe
pheewy, you said it, palpalpal

12:35amEric
Yeah, palpus

12:35amMe
yuck

12:35amEric
Papist

12:35amMe
lol

12:35amEric
Paper

12:35amMe
uh ok
that's quite enough

12:35amEric
PayPal

12:35amMe
go to bed!

12:35amEric
I am! I'm sleep messaging
that's why they're so stupid
I won't remember any of this, lucky me

12:36amMe
oh boy, this gonna go on all night?

General Conference

I always love General Conference weekend!! It's always over so fast, too. Last one before Eric comes home, I can't even believe it... I'm going to be going crazy when it gets close to that time. Well, I have a lot of work to do, I gotta get to it.

Later,

Sannah

Though they'll try to stop you, Always Dance

• Judge me all you want, I don't regret watching the three "A Very Potter Musicals", long as they were, because some of those songs have just been in my head in a good way. I like a lot of them, but the ones I can think of now are "Everything Ends", "Missing You", and especially "Always Dance". Always Dance (different video) is a song that sort of motivates me, weird as that may be to say.
• I still need to be better about eating and exercise. I did run today for 20 minutes sort of intensely, but it doesn't make up for how little I do in general.
• I got a letter from Eric :) He is so sweet, and just so good. I miss that kid.
• I'm really glad I've been able to hang out with one of my friends Sam a little bit, she's really an awesome person to talk to. She has a great laugh :)
• TOO MUCH WITH SCHOOL WHAT ELSE IS NEW
• "You can't hold on to what's gone, don't try to fix it, just move on" is a little ditty that keeps playing in my head. 

Happy Easter!

Sannah

P.S. Some nostalgic pictures:

New Year's Eve

Driving :)

Botanical Gardens St. Louis

Right off a roller-coaster at Six Flags St. Louis :)

Botanical Gardens St. Louis

KC Symphony Opening Night

Walking into random hotels just to explore, Kansas City

Nauvooooo!!

Prom...

Traveling to Logan :)

Graduation Senior All Night Party

Big Surf, Lake of the Ozarks

Wind Cave Hike

 Wind Cave Hike

And the letter I got today :) Miss that boy.

A Working Spring Break

The past two Spring Breaks have been very fun-- St. George/Las Vegas/Zions National Park in 2011, and an unexpectedly cool (and pretty) trip to Arkansas last year. This year, I have just a few things I'd like to do:

• Get "80%" of my thesis/presentation done.
• Clean my room.
• Work out every day.
• Start caring about what I'm eating again... :)
• Send Eric his early birthday package, it's gonna be cool!
• Study ahead for Price Theory.
• Apply to Hanyang... 
• Do whatever homework /reading before I get back to classes.
• Hang out with a few friends :)

If I could do all of those things, I'd feel pretty freaking awesome. I'm not someone who goes stir-crazy when I have plenty of obligations to keep me busy, more power to people who drove to Florida or where ever though. This year, I just want to get caught up so I can feel a little less stressed when classes start back up. It's been pretty terrible, I kept thinking I maybe wanted to drop a class (because it seems like waaayyy too much for me), but I realized once I complete this semester, I will be done with my Econ major requirements, as well as a Political Science minor. After that, just need an upper-level out of my division, and a "tier three" requirement class, which it would be fantastic if I could somehow take those over the summer and not have to go another semester... somehow, fill those requirements while studying abroad... Not likely, but I can dream, right? All I need is to get caught up in my econ classes enough to feel good about meeting with my adviser/professor, and say, "Yep, studied up for your classes, so can we talk about studying abroad stuff?" Anyway, those are my goals. This was a very unusual week. That is all.

--Sannah

I can't write poetry, but... (03-2013)

Another old draft... Not so much a fan of this one, but oh well.

I can put words into short lines, so I did that last night:


I wish I were a poet
To capture what I feel inside
To project it clearly
In a way where people understand and
Know me

I wish I were a musician
And could express my elation, my joy
The sadness, the confusion
In a way that people would hear and
Be moved

There's something very special
About hearing and being heard

Which is how I felt when I met you


 

Hoping for a snow day :)

So my little "Happiness Project" thing these days more or less amounts to trying to remember to keep a positive attitude. I don't really have any tips or anything this week. Um, my little sister Olivia just left for her mission yesterday, pretty crazy! I hope things go well for her. I realized that by the time she comes back, I will have been back in Utah for SEVEN MONTHS!! That is such a totally different life, I haven't even really thought about it much honestly. Like, subconsciously I feel like it isn't really going to happen. Weird weird weird.
So, I have lots of readings to do and all that for my morning classes, so I guess I'll be up super late-- I'm just hoping for a text in the morning that says "Classes are canceled", so I can go right back to sleep. After all, the public schools have already been canceled! I feel like the college just wants to hold off on making announcements because they want the students to get their homework done so they can just enjoy the snow day tomorrow... right? I wish anyway :)

Let's see... In other news, I've been eating more sugar than I should lately. I partially blame girl scout cookies-- since they're only around for a little while, I feel like if I don't eat them, someone else will and they'll just be gone! So whatever. Here's today's nice little picture:

Anyway, wish me luck on school and stuff. Until next time, peach out.

--Sannah

Happy Monday!

Over the past several weeks that I have felt increasingly overwhelmed by school, and it's only February! I realized this evening that I don't want the entire semester to be dominated by feelings of stress and frustration, and I am going to do a little "happiness experiment" of sorts. Every monday, I'll post a happiness tip that I will try to follow that week, and then the following monday I will report on whether it was a success or if needed to be tweaked.  Also, I'll post whatever picture makes me happy that day, things to be grateful for, or a quote I like, whatever.  I want to be happy for most of my life, and so I want to make that a habit even during times of stress!

Here's the picture that makes me happy today-- sort of stereotypical, huh? Whatever, I don't care! I like trails, and I like thinking about trails and being outside when I have a big pile of homework and books to read!

Good things that happened today/recently:

• I didn't have a quiz in Econometrics, and even though I hadn't read all of chapter three, I had read enough to sort of know what was going on!
• It was a pretty good day as far as the weather goes-- sunny, and I was able to wear my Utah State T-shirt without a sweater or jacket, which made me happy!
• I got a parking space that was close to the school.
• I had a good dinner, hamburger and onions, creamed corn from the garden and cucumber.
• One of my friends Nadine called and it was nice to talk to her!
• I had a nice chat with my parents and Olivia, especially Olivia last night. I talked to her about things I had been learning about from my politics in the Middle East class, as well as a lot of other things, we talked for hours! I love talking to her and Sarah (I love my youngest sister Laura too, we like to talk :), but it's just nice because we talk about things I think a lot of people would not be interested in or think was boring. It's just nice because if I read something and find it really fascinating, I know that generally so will Olivia, and she did. I treasure the conversations I've had with Olivia and Sarah. 
• I realized that I wanted to be happy! It's a good thing, I think awareness is really important... Hopefully it will make a difference and make me a better student and a better person! I'll update my progress next week!

Tip of the Week: Focus on one task at a time

I'm not going to rule out all multi-tasking. When I make breakfast, I tend to rush around, cooking eggs while putting a waffle in the toaster oven, getting the dishes and setting out the vitamins and on and on. Plus, I love to read the newspaper while I'm eating breakfast, and listen to a Daily Podcast from the Cato Institute while I put on makeup and get ready in the morning. But in terms of schoolwork, I tend to feel so overwhelmed by the volume and variety of tasks that I just end up paralyzed, doing a little here and there but never accomplishing much. I'm going to try to set clear, defined goals for each class, and one by one complete them, without getting distracted by the internet or snacks or whatever else. Focus on one thing at a time... not a great first tip, but we'll see if it works! I'll let you know. Until next week!

Happy Monday!

--Sannah

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet.  -- James Openheim